How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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