i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think my mom watched the whole time
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
