If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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