my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
