what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
