Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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