GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
