I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
