It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
