I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
