Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
