either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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