I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this just has baby written all over it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
