He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
tell me about the eggs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
