you traded sex for a burrito?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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