Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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