is your mom at the bar?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
