I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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