Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
