does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
