He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
