i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
