I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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