I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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