After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
