Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
