I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
