I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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