the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize