is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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