Kiss
Puke
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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