i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
