There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
