Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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