I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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