the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
