You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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