Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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