I'm going to jail i love you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
