I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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