Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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