Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
