is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
