End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
