dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
