PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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