6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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