I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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