Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
