i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize