She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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