Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
