You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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