As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
