actually, I'm a sock model
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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