Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
