I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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