i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
they need to just BURY HIM!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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