Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
