I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My penis needs a shock collar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
