You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
