I wish I only lived at night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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