I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
