Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
