my mouth tastes like poor choices
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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