Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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