There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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