I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
