I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
