We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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