I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
