So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
