I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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