I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
