what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
