I think my fart just growled at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
