I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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