we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
