Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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