I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
