I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
