Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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