Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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