Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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