the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
