i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My feet surprised me
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