im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
