The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to have your abortion
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
