It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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