no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
