I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
