every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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