The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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