Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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