she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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